be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
