Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
