East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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