A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
