apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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