i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
