We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Semen is not good for contacts.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
