My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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