Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Boobs speak an international language.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
