i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize