saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
