he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
