I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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