I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
