You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
