and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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