oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
