I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
