I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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