No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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