As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
