would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
