I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
