Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize