just survived the first fart of the relationship.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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