Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
