My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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