I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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