Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
