I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
