that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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