we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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