i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
