Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
