Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
