im six kinds of drunk right now
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found the puke drawer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I forget how to act sober
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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