Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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