did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
