someone get that fucking seahorse.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
