hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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