I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
