I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
