You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
