i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
