watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
