Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
