Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
