there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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