i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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