I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
