Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
