that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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