I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
