Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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