Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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