Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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