dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
