When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
we're so committed to being not committed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
