flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
