Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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