im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
