census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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