I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
