He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my shit smells like andre
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
