I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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