So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
