He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
