you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
