party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
