How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
