get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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